a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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