Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
