I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize