is your mom at the bar?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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