Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
