I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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