hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
