I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
