I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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