If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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