Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
