there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
