Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
