Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
