I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
