I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can you bring me the toilet please
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
