Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
