For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
