I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think people are normalizing furries
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
