i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When did angry sex become our thing?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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