went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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