The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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