It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
