Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
