..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize