tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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