This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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