Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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