i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
