only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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