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I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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