you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
