i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
