Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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