I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
