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• (518): View more from New York

  Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant

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• (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.

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• (310): View more from California

  Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell

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• (347): View more from New York

  Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.

  (472): View more from

  Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.

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• (845): View more from New York

  Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??

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