I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
