is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
