literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
