I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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