Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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