This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
