I want to stick my p in your. b.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
