I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
