I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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