Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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