porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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