I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
