So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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