Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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