There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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