i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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