awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Did I show you my penis last night?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i think my cat just said my name.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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