pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
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my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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