I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
