I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
