I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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