eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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