Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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