You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
