Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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