just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
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An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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