I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
