I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
